seeking approval

It is hard to live up to the expectations people place on a pastor. The same is true for every role we fill in life. Whether a pastor, banker, parent, teacher, coach, or student – the list is endless – somebody places expectations on us. This is not new nor is it anything we can change.  

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Where I get in trouble is that I allow the expectations of nearly everyone to tap into my need for approval. As a pastor everyone expects me to be perpetually happy and devoted to making them happy. The trouble is, I can’t live up to that expectation. Trying to make everyone happy leads to making everyone unhappy. Knowing that I have failed to win the approval of others makes me unhappy. I’m pretty sure you know what I am talking about in your own arenas of living. 

Howard Thurman, pastor, civil rights leader, and spiritual guide says, “We cannot escape the need for approval. The little child seeks it from mother and father and has a sense of uneasiness and insecurity when it is denied. On behalf of such approval, the child will deny what it knows to be true or say `Yes’ to what it profoundly to be `No.’ Later, approval is sought from one’s associates, one’s friends, one’s employer, and so on.” (Howard Thurman, Meditations of the Heart) 

This leads to one way in which we choose to live “under the law,” as Paul (and Augustine, Luther, et al) would say. “The law” in the life of faith is thought to be the rules of scripture, the Ten Commandments, or other codes. The law we allow to enslave us, however, is often about expectations and approval. When we seek approval from the world and those who inhabit it, we become enslaved to the expectations of others. We are judged by whether we meet the expectations of people or a world that is never satisfied and raises the expectations constantly.  

Paul reminds us that this is no way to live. He proclaims to us that no matter what law is in play, even if the expectations and rules are just and fair, we cannot be saved by seeking the approval of those who write the law of expectations on our hearts. “For no human will be justified before him by deeds prescribed by the law, for through the law comes the knowledge of sin.” (Romans 3:20) 

The only thing expectations can tell you is that you have fallen short. Now, you may meet your goals, and succeed in keeping people happy for a time, but it will just lead to more expectations. More approval to seek. Paul’s answer to the problem is the grace of Jesus Christ. “For we hold that a person is justified by faith apart from works prescribed by the law. (Romans 3:28) 

This is where Thurman lands too: 
“Stripped of all superficialities, the claim of religion is that the ultimate basis of self-respect, the ultimate guarantor of the life of man, is found in God. To have a sense of being related to Him is the ultimate assurance – to miss this is to miss all. The assurance itself is the meaning of salvation – the lack of assurance is the meaning of being lost.” 

You see, my friends, Christ has granted full and absolute approval. You are free from the expectations of this world because God in Christ has already called you “child of God.” This divine parent has granted you the full measure of approval for your life. You need to seek it nowhere else.  

“Happy indeed is the man who has made the supreme discovery that there is available to him and in him the living experience of relatedness to the God of the universe and this in that relatedness is his hope and the anchor of his security.” 

Pax Christi,  
Tim Olson – Lead Pastor