When Politics strains our relationships

Over the past few years, I have received the same heartbreaking prayer request again and again. Lately, it seems to come more often—and with an even greater sense of pain. Someone will say, "My brother, sister, parent, or uncle will no longer speak to me because we disagree about politics." Or they will ask, "A relative or friend has become hurtful or abusive because we disagree politically. What should I do?" ​If this has happened in your family or among your friends, please know that you are not alone. It has happened to me too many times. 

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When I hear stories like these, my first thought is often, “The politicians have won again.” So much of our political culture depends on intimidation, distortion, sweeping claims, and the demonizing of opponents. People are portrayed not simply as mistaken, but as evil. That spirit is far removed from the way of Christ. It draws on our deepest fears and tempts us to respond in kind. Before long, division replaces dialogue. As followers of Jesus, we can choose another way: we can refuse to play by those rules and return to the basic kindness and civility that healthy relationships—and any healthy society—require.

I have learned, too, that we need to recognize the difference between a thoughtful, respectful conversation and an emotionally charged diatribe. In a real conversation, both people are willing to listen. A diatribe is one-sided; the person is not truly interested in understanding. When that happens, it is okay to step away. If the exchange becomes hurtful or abusive, calmly ask the person to stop and be prepared to end the conversation. Above all, try not to answer an emotional attack with one of your own. That only deepens the wound. If the other person sincerely wants to keep talking, agree on a few simple ground rules: listen respectfully, accept that you may disagree, and refuse to let the disagreement become more important than the relationship.

If someone’s words have wounded you, Scripture offers a clear and compassionate path. In Matthew 18, Jesus teaches us to go directly to the person and speak honestly about the hurt—not to shame or punish them, but because we value the relationship and hope for reconciliation. If they respond, “You’re being too sensitive,” that does not heal the harm. Reconciliation asks for humility, truth, and a willingness to make amends. Sadly, if someone refuses that work, they are choosing to leave the relationship broken.

Then comes the difficult work of forgiveness. How many times must we forgive? When Peter asked Jesus that question, Jesus answered, “Seventy-seven times” (or “seven times seventy”) in Matthew 18:22. In other words, like God, we are to forgive infinitely. But forgiveness does not mean giving someone permission to keep hurting or abusing us—especially over something as temporary as a political position. Forgiveness means releasing the other person from a debt we may never be able to collect. It also means refusing to let the wound have the final word in our lives.

Scripture calls us to forgive a brother or sister who sins against us and to love even our enemies. It does not call us to remain where abuse continues. If political views or behavior make it impossible to be with someone you love right now, do what you can to keep from adding to the harm. Set healthy boundaries. Pray for them and pray for yourself. Pray for the day when the relationship can be restored. If it feels right, tell them gently and sincerely that reconciliation is still your hope. And if you are carrying this kind of pain, please remember: you do not have to carry it alone.


Pax Christi,
 Timothy Olson, Lead Pastor